Folks, the truth is; there are things in life you cannot change, no matter how much you want them to. You have to face the fact that, the world is a stage, and you are here to play a part. I vowed to play the role of "leading man" in the Jenn & Miguel Saga, the reviews came in...and they were not good. "Mediocre at best"-myself. I was not able to play the role of "husband" very well, but I'm versatile, I will make it in this town! You'll see! YOU'LL ALL SEE!!!!!
The love I felt for her was very very real, and she will always be a chapter in my life I remember fondly; one day we will be best friends again, for now I wish her the best. She is an AMAZING woman, and she will find a man that will give her everything she needs, nay.......DESERVES!
Never let relationships become regret; let them become lessons. There are people in our lives who leave a print, and those who leave scars. Both can be empowering and meaningful experiences. I have grown immensely, and although the circumstances are less than desirable, I am now mentally and emotionally equipped to be my own care taker. Those who know me, know that I have been spoiled...................being an only child makes you that way sometimes. I mean come on..NO competition for your parent's love? they gave up on trying because YOU were perfect?! HA! But seriously, I know i'm not perfect.......and going through this, has made me stronger, and I actually like myself more now than I did a few months back.
Moving forward.........I have kept VERY busy, working. Vocationally as well as internally. My little man, Neko and I have moved into a new place....but wait, I'll let him show you.....
We are very happy in our new "cozy" (small) place. Just two single guys trying to take over the world!
Now I'm not here to say it's all great and amazing, there are tough days, where I miss what I had, but I am happy. I am re-discovering me. As I have said in my previous blog, the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself, and it requires work, which is what I am doing. I am working every day on getting to know me, doing what makes me happy. Dating is a whole new thing....it's weird, it's annoying, it's all these games you have to play, and I've been out of the field for a very long time, there are so many new things like BAE? WHY?! WHY?! IS THAT A THING? Maybe I'll find my "BAE" (before anything else) one day, for now I am in charge of my life, and my main responsibility is this little jerk. I mean look at him, in our lobby.....Once the apartment is all put together, I will follow up with pictures, and also updates on dating....trust me you're gonna wanna know.
I am living single.....in a 90's kind of world......wait no. I am single, separated, will be divorced, God I feel like Charlotte (Sex and the City come on!) I will keep you all posted with my new life, anxiety has gone down majorly, still have it. Unfortunately once you unleash then beast, it takes a lot to put it back in its cage, I'm still learning to control it. I do feel more and more like myself everyday, even people, who I never thought paid attention, have noticed the change in me, and have felt compelled to tell me they see the "old" Miguel coming back.
I am seeing what's out there, exploring all things that I was too afraid to try before (relax mom, not like that). As Aubrey says, You Only Live Once, and such things. So Why not live for today? Why not live for now? I'm not going back all they way though, never back to this guy...... That picture was taken in July of 2012, almost 80 lbs ago......married, diabetic, little did I know that so much would change, not only physically, but my life as a whole. I still work for the same place, but I am a whole new me. A hopeful, happier me. I thank her for everything she did for me. I miss her constantly. I know she's doing well, we talk from time to time, it's still, as she would say..."AWWWWWKWAAARD" but hell, we ended a marriage, it will take time. No matter, we are both better off searching to find what makes us happy. So there you have it friends, it's been a LONG time since my last blog, lots has changed, but this is a therapeutic way for me to be able to express what life is about these days, as well as not have to tell every single person what's happening individually. HA! you always get the "are you ok?" "i'm so sorry" and they're appreciated, but come on, no one decides to get divorced because you're 100% happy! am I right? anyone? Life goes on, and so will I.
New Hair cut, New apartment, the beard is back (briefly had to go due to a second job which I quit) more on that next time! LATER NERDS!-Liz Lemon
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